I learned something very important this year:  five months without any television but movies can literally drive a girl who is already on the brink of insanity over the edge into the abyss of sheer madness.

 

My Cockatiel is manically depressed...  He refuses to sing and just sits on his rope swing all day...  Thats messed up. 

 

People who think I need therapy can rot in a mini van while being poked by saucy bears with sticks attached to lampshades. 

 

A whole bag full of jet puffed marshmellows on one stick seemed like a good idea at the time...

 

How come when I type in "Three legged dog" onto google, I get a picture of a fat man in a diaper sitting on a couch?

 

Does anybody really know what time it is?

...Who REALLY let the dogs out?

My mouse is a psycho who has a craving for human flesh that can only be satiated by a live human sacrifice. Oh yes, it's bloody.

Gel pens are the best thing to happen to the world since peanut butter.

Why does that one guy wear his "sunglasses at night"? Isn't it a little dark??

 

I hate rock walls.  I hate everything about them.

 

How come barney can run through a playground full of little kids naked, but when I do it, it's a problem?

 

It is my personal belief you have no soul if you can say "I am a naked people magnet" without smiling.

 

You can save time by brushing  your teeth in the shower.  I dont do it, but you can.

Things I hate:  Acronyms, little dogs, Christmas, Easter, holidays in general, children, tinsel *stuff for chistmas tree* (it's so goddamn amusing!), Kayla, SUVs, DMVs, SOBs, DUIs, BMWs, MADD, hippies, Volvos, math, and alot more I'm to lazy to write down. (this just might become a new section)

 

Tengo Una mucho bano en el perro.  Translation:  I have one many bathroom in the dog.

 

Before I drink 147 glasses of marmalade, I like to eat 147 marshmallows.  I mean Fluffy Puff Marshmallows.  >:(

 

I'm going to murder Santa with a ten pound chunk of fruitcake.  The perfect crime. It's sad, horrible, yet festive.

 

When I'm an old woman (like thirty or something), I'll be so depressed at being alone for the holidays that I will hang myself with a strand of colorful christmas lights.  That'll be the best damn decorated house in town.

 

"Shigur plantation." "Cowinist."

 

I often dream I'm floating through a department store, kicking small children below me and laughing as a cat jumps through a window.  I don't know what that means, but I think it might be important.

 

Honestly, I don't CARE if you have no feeling in your toes. o_o

 

Dont you hate those commercials on TV (that I dont get to see anymore) that start out with some girl and a guy like climbing rocks or canoeing with this inspiring music, then the camera zooms in the girl and she's like "I HAVE HERPES."  What is with that?

The walls speak to me.

 

The walls talk about me behind my back.

 

For every action, there is an equal but opposite government program.

 

Light travels faster than sound.  This is why some people appear bright until you actually hear them speak.

 

Activity is like light;  Lethal.

 

I'm frigging disgusted by teenage girls today. It's almost as if they don't know what size clothes they wear anymore. "Ooo, today I'm going to wear a shirt from when I was in preschool. Yeah, that sounds like a great idea."

There is something very disturbing about snails. I don't know what it is exactly, but every time I see a snail, I break down in tears.